A difference in meaning

​Stubborn: adjective stub·born ˈstə-bərn

1 a (1) : unreasonably or perversely unyielding : mulish (2) : justifiably unyielding : resolute

b : suggestive or typical of a strong stubborn nature <a stubborn jaw>

2: performed or carried on in an unyielding, obstinate, or persistent manner<stubborn effort>

3: difficult to handle, manage, or treat <a stubborn cold>

4: lasting <stubborn facts>

stub·born·ly adverb

stub·born·ness -bər(n)-nəs noun

I’ve never thought of myself as stubborn, although I’ve been called that many times in my life. I don’t think of myself as stubborn because I am willing to change and make compromises. Hell, I’ve done it so much in my life, especially these last 7 years, that I could hardly be called stubborn. I’ve made changes, I’ve let go of bad habits, I’ve modified behaviors, I’ve adopted some new and improved attitudes and have held out hope after hope after hope that all of these would be beneficial.

​I’ve been called the eternal optimist, sometimes at my detriment, but that still doesn’t deter me.

Well, these things have been beneficial to me, but it still doesn’t seem to be enough. I’ve gone through these issues enough times, I’m just tired. I’m exhausted, it shouldn’t be this difficult, really.

Really? really…

Why do I hang on? I don’t know, I really don’t. When a friend of mine asked me that question I couldn’t come up with a good answer. Then she said the nicest thing: “well, you are very determined, and once you make up your mind to do something, you will do it until every possible option is exhausted, and if that doesn’t work, then you’re done.”

Determined: adjective de·ter·mined -ˈtər-mənd

1: having reached a decision : firmly resolved <determined to be a pilot>

2 a : showing determination <a determined effort>

b : characterized by determination <will deter all but the most determined thief — Security World>

de·ter·mined·ly -mənd-lē, -mə-nəd-lē adverb

de·ter·mined·ness -mənd-nəs noun

I’ve exhausted almost every possible option, so I am almost done. Almost, pretty close, but not quite yet. I still have a few things to figure out. But I feel that day is coming, regrettably.

But I am determined to learn from this, to make the most of it and not dwell in pity and depression. I have my puppies, kittens, neighbors and friends to keep me company, and I am determined to start over, start fresh, and to keep going. Because that’s all there is now, right?

Hope (there’s that word again!) you are having a better day.


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